The need to “help” others or "fixing" the world and all that is wrong with it or whatever needs to be done “the right and proper way” has created a mindset amongst people with good intentions of overstepping the propriety of appropriate boundaries. It has become commonplace for people to give unsolicited advice even about the simplest of tasks. It is almost a thoughtless reaction by some to tell a stranger or loved one what they “ought to do, should do, or how to do something.” In the mind of those giving this advice it may seem to be helpful or even done presumably from a heartfelt place. Yet, unless done with permission, it is actually a violation of another person’s autonomy....
As the year winds down, you may still be feeling the intensity of the tumultuous changes that have been taking place in your life and in the world. The Chaos discussed in October’s blog continues. For many it has been a stormy and uncertain time not knowing what it means for the future of the children and upcoming generations, the economy, the environment and the human species. On a more personal level, you may be anxious about your own future. There is a heightened sense of concern about matters that were once taken for granted or ignored. Major upheaval in the world is challenging to your sense of safety and security....
You have been told stories about your emotions that are not true. I do not wish to call them lies because for the most part these “untruths” were unintentional. These falsehoods have led to more suffering and pain. They have kept you from connecting to yourself, your inner guidance and your heart...
Using the Guidance of Your Inner Critic as a Touchstone for Healthy Internal Esteem (part 2 inner critic series)
Is your worth based upon your performance, or perhaps on your status or what you have acquired in life? Maybe it is based upon others' opinions of you. When the voice of your Inner Critic disapproves of your abilities, performance, appearance, the possessions you own, or how you appear to others it can feel like a severe blow to your self-worth. This often happens after you receive some disappointment or loss in life. In that moment, you begin judging yourself as “less than” or a failure, and your energy contracts. You protect your vulnerability by attempting to shut down or ignore the criticism. You try to control it by pushing against the voice. Whenever you push on an object or energy, you meet resistance. The response of the superego is to push back harder and criticize louder. It is merely doing its job of safeguarding your beliefs and values, holding you accountable and attempting to motivate you. (the inner critic part 1) It seems counterintuitive to approach this voice and find out what it is pointing out yet listening to it tells you how you judge and criticize yourself and what matters to you. It reveals what may or may not require a shift in perspective or a corrective action. One gift it gives you is showing you your level of esteem and if that is externally or internally driven self-esteem...
Does your inner voice judge you or demean you? Is a critical voice telling you what you “should” or “should not” do or experience? Do you have a feeling that somehow you are not enough or do not matter?
At first, your Inner Critic may wake you up and try to get your attention; “better work on that project, get going, you are going to be late, quit procrastinating, you made a mistake, be responsible, exercise, eat healthier.” It informs and jars you into action. It can be helpful, nudging and prodding you into beneficial behaviors.
If you haven’t paid attention, it often turns ugly and begins to berate you. It says mean things about your character; “you are lazy, stupid, ugly, irresponsible, wrong, weak, no good, damaged, you can’t do anything right, nobody will ever want to be with you and you will never amount to anything.” Those may be mild words compared with your critic...
Relational Life Couples Therapist
International Teacher Meditation Facilitator
Dreamer, Visionary, Writer