Your life is happening right now. Will you take the opportunity to connect with those you love and care about? Being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings with those you love and care about can be difficult but when you are able to share and be understood, there is almost no better feeling. It brings you a sense of place in the world. It helps you to know that you are cared about and safe. It can bring you greater intimacy and belonging. Skill is involved and many articles and books will outline the techniques of communication. Yet, at the heart of worthwhile communication is the desire and willingness to connect with honesty, kindness, well meaning and love. That can actually be a tall order....
We all do it, make assumptions about the intentions of others. Words or a behavior of someone disturbs your sense of self or connection and you get triggered from the wounded place inside of you. Suddenly your thoughts go to the worst scenario about them or your relationship with them. Your mind goes off into a story about the meaning of their words, actions or inaction and it gets magnified. These unconscious habits create misunderstandings, conflict, fights and assumptions about the intentions of the other person or their version of the truth. Whenever you claim to know what was “really” going on inside of another, you are sure to induce a collision of realities. The battle becomes “whose version is right?” In all probability neither of you is 100% correct.....
Did a ray of sunlight enter your life and suddenly a radiant being appeared in your midst that invoked a magnetic pull? What attracted you to your partner in the first place? Did she have a smile that melted you? Did his enthusiasm and playful nature capture your desire for freedom and fun? Did you admire his or her humor, assertiveness, confidence, or intellect? Did she or he possess a savvy adventurous spirit? Did you share similar interests or concordant life paths? Perhaps it was charm and kindness that felt like a comforting hug. Did you feel safe? Maybe you experienced your partner intently absorbed and interested in you. It felt so special. To be truly seen fulfills a longing to be known. Knowing we are accepted just as we are gives us a sense of deep belonging.....
Relational Life Couples Therapist
International Teacher Meditation Facilitator
Dreamer, Visionary, Writer