Category: Self Awareness

Finding Gratitude Even When It Seems Impossible

11/23/2019

The sunlight bounces off the myriad shades of burnished auburn and gold as I rake leaves into plump piles. The azure sky is a deeper blue in autumn as the angle of the sun dips lower. The air has a bit of a chill. In Colorado the sun is quite intense and so the temperature is neither too hot nor too cold. It is the perfect time to be in the garden or golfing or hiking or doing any activity outdoors. "The Heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time." ~ Douglas Wood...

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Relationship Refresh: Renewal After Separation

6/28/2019

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Rebirth by Erica Johnson

A sweeping wave moves through people’s lives dissolving the past and transforming their relationships with one another. This may take the form of separation or ending. It is an awakening but in the moment it can seem like total collapse or disconnection. You may be experiencing this in your life or have observed it in the lives of your friends. It feels much like a crushing tsunami that exposes the disturbing underbelly of unmet expectations, unfulfilled dreams, incompatibilities, betrayals, dishonesty, gossip, rejection, offenses, and rigid, dishonorable, selfish, competitive, controlling or combative behaviors. Any one of these will upend a sense of integrity that dismantles what formerly had been stable...

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Assumptions and Judgments: Are They Ruining Your Relationships?

1/31/2019

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We all do it, make assumptions about the intentions of others. Words or a behavior of someone disturbs your sense of self or connection and you get triggered from the wounded place inside of you. Suddenly your thoughts go to the worst scenario about them or your relationship with them. Your mind goes off into a story about the meaning of their words, actions or inaction and it gets magnified. These unconscious habits create misunderstandings, conflict, fights and assumptions about the intentions of the other person or their version of the truth. Whenever you claim to know what was “really” going on inside of another, you are sure to induce a collision of realities. The battle becomes “whose version is right?” In all probability neither of you is 100% correct.....

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Coming to Center: What to Do When You Are Triggered

11/28/2018

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It’s tough when you are triggered. It happens jet fast. All of a sudden a prickly energy runs up your spine and you feel the energy rush to your head. You are ready to fight and hotly defend yourself or your anger turns icy and you freeze out whomever or whatever is disturbing you. Either way you disconnect. It keeps you relatively safe, but it doesn’t feel good...

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What Story Are You Living?

10/31/2018

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"Wonderment" by Tessa Clarkson

There is Power in the Story You Tell Yourself
The creative life force flows through you and manifests itself continuously. Your body is recreating itself from the patterns in your DNA, from the thoughts and beliefs you hold, and the images and emotions that stream through your heart. These are the elements of your story. Your story is vast. It is the story of your ancestor’s experiences and beliefs about life. It is the story of how they survived, their relationship to the land and the people they loved and those they had conflict with. It is the story of their pain and triumphs. It is the story of their culture, the language, songs, dress, customs and mores, religions, social organization, governance and the ways in which they formed community. Your story emerges from theirs but at the same time it is your own. In every moment you are born anew from the story you tell yourself about who you are...

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Unsolicited Advice: Helpful or Rude?

9/18/2018

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The need to “help” others or "fixing" the world and all that is wrong with it or whatever needs to be done “the right and proper way” has created a mindset amongst people with good intentions of overstepping the propriety of appropriate boundaries. It has become commonplace for people to give unsolicited advice even about the simplest of tasks. It is almost a thoughtless reaction by some to tell a stranger or loved one what they “ought to do, should do, or how to do something.” In the mind of those giving this advice it may seem to be helpful or even done presumably from a heartfelt place. Yet, unless done with permission, it is actually a violation of another person’s autonomy....

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Relational Awareness: Part 3 - Moving Out of Power and Control

6/30/2018

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Your first entrance into the world begins with relationship. You come into the world with a small body that needs nurturing and care. You cannot survive on your own. You are not ready to stand and take care of yourself; you are dependent and vulnerable. Naturally, there is an inborn fear of separation and a need to attach and bond. Dependency is a gift that makes it necessary for you to be connected and engage with people and life. Being seen with caring attention not only means that your basic physical needs will be met, it also fulfills a soulful need of value for simply being, it reflects back to you that you exist. “I exist, therefore I am.” You have an innate need to know that you belong, are valued, have meaning and are inherently good and worthy....

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Relational Awareness: (Part 2) Mirroring Unresolved Wounds

5/31/2018

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Did a ray of sunlight enter your life and suddenly a radiant being appeared in your midst that invoked a magnetic pull? What attracted you to your partner in the first place? Did she have a smile that melted you? Did his enthusiasm and playful nature capture your desire for freedom and fun? Did you admire his or her humor, assertiveness, confidence, or intellect? Did she or he possess a savvy adventurous spirit? Did you share similar interests or concordant life paths? Perhaps it was charm and kindness that felt like a comforting hug. Did you feel safe? Maybe you experienced your partner intently absorbed and interested in you. It felt so special. To be truly seen fulfills a longing to be known. Knowing we are accepted just as we are gives us a sense of deep belonging.....

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Returning Love and Harmony to Your Relationships: Part 1 Energizing the Love Bond

4/30/2018

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Typically, when couples enter counseling, they have built up a pressure cooker of issues that have created an atmosphere of resentment and distrust resulting in blame, misunderstanding, and unhappiness. Energetically, their wounded heart is stuck in a cesspool of hurt, anger and despair. It is difficult to see a way out yet usually at least one of them has a hope that things can improve...

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Frugality, Self Reliance, Generosity and the Cost of Not Receiving

3/19/2018

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Photo by Evan Kirby

As a child of depression era parents, I was taught to be frugal. Growing up in a small farmhouse in the country, there wasn’t a need for many material possessions. Anything that one owned was valuable. Clothes were practical and seasonally appropriate. Taking care of them was necessary. If they became worn or torn, we mended them. I learned how to sew, knit and crochet from my mother and grandmother. To this day, I hand wash my sweaters and mend the moth holes. Repairing anything over throwing it out and buying new is a first response. If it can be fixed, do so....

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