Have you been checking the news? Often? Every day? Is it comforting or ramping up your anxiety? In an attempt to grab and keep your attention the headlines sensationalize the latest traumatic event in order to provoke a heightened emotional response. Your brain is geared to being alert to threats to your safety. Even hearing and imagining worrisome, shocking or disturbing events causes stress hormones to stream into your body. When you watch repeated startling images it can invoke a posttraumatic stress response. Your body does not know the difference between an event you are watching or imagining happening and actually experiencing it.....
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Yesterday, my body collapsed and I was shrouded in despair and feelings of hopelessness over how we hurt one another. The weight in my heart gripped me in a state of grief and emptiness. Hopelessness and despair is a feeling that so many people live with every day. When you are constantly being denied, denigrated, blamed, shamed and worse in fear for your life, you can’t help but feel hopeless while the fire of an inner flame burns for equality. How demoralizing and bereft it is to not be free in a country that expounds freedom. I can only imagine the daily anguish felt from living this way. It is apparent that the acute pain caused by vile racism has plagued our nation since its inception causing the division and hatred we are experiencing today. We can no longer ignore the inequality and subjugation of any human. The separation we have caused is tearing us apart.... Doesn’t it feel wonderful when you know that someone cares for you? It is a deeply felt knowing that you are not alone in the world. It is an essential need. There is a longing to be connected to someone in your life that supports you and has your back. When you don’t feel “cared for” by your partner you experience disconnection. A lack of attention and care can leave you feeling unloved and forgotten...... It has been quite a ride and sometimes as I look back on 2019, I feel like my life was swept up inside a whirligig with the continuous momentum pulling me from one relational experience to the next. It has been a year of connecting with friends, loved ones and new people, which has been richly rewarding. There are so many dear people that I did not connect with yet have been so present in my heart. I remind myself that there is time for everything and how valuable it is to pause and reflect on what this year has brought... It’s tough when you are triggered. It happens jet fast. All of a sudden a prickly energy runs up your spine and you feel the energy rush to your head. You are ready to fight and hotly defend yourself or your anger turns icy and you freeze out whomever or whatever is disturbing you. Either way you disconnect. It keeps you relatively safe, but it doesn’t feel good... Did a ray of sunlight enter your life and suddenly a radiant being appeared in your midst that invoked a magnetic pull? What attracted you to your partner in the first place? Did she have a smile that melted you? Did his enthusiasm and playful nature capture your desire for freedom and fun? Did you admire his or her humor, assertiveness, confidence, or intellect? Did she or he possess a savvy adventurous spirit? Did you share similar interests or concordant life paths? Perhaps it was charm and kindness that felt like a comforting hug. Did you feel safe? Maybe you experienced your partner intently absorbed and interested in you. It felt so special. To be truly seen fulfills a longing to be known. Knowing we are accepted just as we are gives us a sense of deep belonging..... The Fire Rooster’s wake up call in 2017 was a doozy. The disturbing crowing of the rooster echoed the disturbance and chaos in the world. Normally quiet people living their lives without concern or care about the outside world were shaken so much that they came out of their cocoons to voice their opinions and speak up for their values. It was a Yin year for catalyzing the feminine in all of us to feel the fiery heat of our truth and to be aware of our internal beliefs and values.... You’ve heard it before, “Forgive and Move on,” and inside you are still reeling from the pain and hurt that has been done and there is no way you want to “forgive, forget or move on.” The feeling of violation is strong and you feel justified in blaming and having resentment. If you were betrayed, unloved, neglected, rejected, lied to, cheated, dismissed, manipulated, silenced, emotionally or physically abused, you want justice and acknowledgment of the wrong that has been done to you.... The Longing for Home is the Longing to Belong. Isolation and the belief that you are alone in a chaotic world crushes your spirit. More and more in our world of inter-connected technology devoid of touch and face-to-face kindness, the dis-ease of isolation is causing depression and anxiety. A return to feeling connected to others and belonging here in the world begins with connection within and the sense of Home. The sense of Home is more than a function of place and time in the external environment. It is a deeply felt sense in the interior of your being. It arises in connection with your soul and an engaged, concerned relationship with the world... WAKE UP! WAKE UP! Cock-a-doodle-do Cock-a-doodle-dooo!!!! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! It’s not going to stop…there is a relentless alarm to WAKE UP! Everywhere you look, people are in a heightened alert state. Everywhere you look, things are heating up and the steam is rising. There is fire in the core of our Being to wake up to our humanity, to wake up to the unity of all. Unity is a fact. Are you experiencing it? Only through experiencing it do you really know it. You might be annoyed by the extremes of this fire and of the blatant way the Rooster crows…louder…and louder...and louder. It won’t let you fall asleep. It won’t let you be complacent. You are waking up to life and to existence. What is your desire? Is it to have more material possessions, to have positions, titles, or achievements? Do you hold resentment, judge, want to control, or gain something from others? These desires are driven by psychological drives. Is it the desire to exist…the desire to be…the impulse to be compassionate? All of these experiences are a part of existence. What is left after all of these drives and experiences? It is simply Love. There is a kind of love that is redeeming. Restorative Love is “to restore things to their natural condition of Wholeness” It is this kind of Love that is an impulse to realize our Oneness with all of life. There is a deep connecting field of energy called Love that is continually working within each and every one of us to be conscious of our unity.
This Fiery Rooster energy is showing us all of the ways we have separated from each other and ourselves and to notice the ways we can come into greater unity by connecting. What works and what doesn't? Let this fiery energy work for you. It offers a big push to boldly look at your shadow aspects, reflect upon your values, communicate your truth, set appropriate and healthy boundaries, and become more compassionate and caring. This year is one of being aware of Relationship in All ways and forms. What is your relationship with pleasure? What is your relationship to people that have different views than yours? What is your relationship to your family and friends? Are you cultivating compassion? Are you consciously connecting with greater understanding? Are you willing to deeply look at the parts of you that separate and where you connect? It is simply to be Aware. Whatever you find, it is all right. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. It does not make you wrong or bad to have desire, to have separated from yourself or to separate from others. Observe where you are. Awareness itself brings an awakening of consciousness. This time of year of giving is one that sparks a giggle of glee in me. Around the end of November, I am already thinking about the special people in my life and what I can offer to bring them delight and to let them know they are loved. My little child comes out and I want to play. It may not be everyone’s version of the holidays but I definitely have visions of bright twinkling lights, freshly fallen snow glistening under the sun’s shower of rays, gingerbread cookies and my favorite holiday treat, Stollen. Intense spicy smells of pine, cinnamon, nutmeg, eggnog and hot cider fill the house with all of those rich aromas that are warm and cozy when I come inside on a frosty snowy day... Conflict is difficult for me. Life has taught me that my desire for everyone to get along and be in harmony is an almost impossible expectation. I especially struggle when family members show disappointment and criticize my choice to do something, be with someone or be somewhere that goes against what they desire or want. It feels as though I am being torn apart and made to decide between my life and the people I love. No matter what choice I make someone will be hurt. In the past, guilt would tear at my heart and eat me up. The pain would muddle my thoughts and hold my energy hostage. I could not be fully present to my own needs. It created a “No-Win” situation for my family, my friends and me... Do you want to have friends, be liked and create a fabulous first impression? Then, courteous and respectful behaviors are ones you will want to acquire. Being respectful, polite and having good manners creates harmonious relationships and connections. We all enjoy people that make us feel seen and heard. When people are interested in your opinions and interests, you feel valued and accepted. When people pay attention to making you comfortable and safe, and respect your personal space and possessions, you feel their care. A person who offers generous doses of kindness and consideration is likable, attractive and more successful in life.... Have you noticed a change in mainstream cultural values especially regarding the way people treat others? You may wonder what happened to kindness, caring and respect? Have you sensed a growing acceptance of rudeness and disrespect as being okay? Somehow we have forgotten how to be nice.... Conscious Companionship As the consciousness of humanity evolves and changes so has the structure of marriage, partnership and relationships. We are in a transitional stage of relationship moving away from the concept of two independent autonomous people cohabiting together and attempting to get their individual needs met in a hierarchical structure with fixed roles. A companionship model of conscious partnership consisting of mutual interdependence, interpersonal relating, intimacy, equity and commitment to placing the relationship first while aligning with what is best for each other is arising. The focus away from a singular insular preoccupation with self and my needs to what are the needs of the relationship is a step towards greater love, compatibility, understanding, intimacy, and surprisingly getting more of your needs met.... |
Psychotherapist MA
Clinical Hypnotherapist Relational Life Couples Therapist International Teacher Meditation Facilitator Shamanic Practitioner Dreamer, Visionary, Writer Recent Posts
March 2021
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