Heartfulness Path
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Connect

Creating a Safe Sanctuary for Your Relationship to Flourish: a Couple Bubble

12/20/2020

0 Comments

 
PicturePhoto by Einar Storsul
We enter into relationship.  There is something about this person that attracts us and thus begins the journey into love.  Magnetized by this spell, we innocently and naively and often blissfully, sometimes cautiously, “fall in love.”  Have you wondered why it is called “falling in love?”  Love pulls us into a chasm, the magnitude of which we cannot comprehend.  It is a falling into depths unknown.  This is a journey that starts with a promise and that promise is that all of our needs will be met and we will be happy.  We soon discover that the “fall” into love is not what fairy tales have depicted..... 

Relationship is fraught with high hopes and expectations.  Most of these we are unaware of in ourselves until we discover that our partner is not meeting them.  “If you loved me, then you would know what I need,” we silently believe.  Unbeknown to even ourselves, we are looking for security.  The world is a dangerous place and having a companion that offers a safe haven is a foundational need that love offers.
 
Love is not a destination.  It is not a rest stop.  It is a long and winding path of challenges and hidden treasures.  Love is an act of creation and movement.  It requires active participation to keep it alive and growing.  Participating in relationship, you begin to find out what you need through the friction of differences as well as the comfort of what is similar.  Love is a journey of discovery about oneself as much as it is about learning about your partner.
 
Since a sense of security is a basic need to thrive, how do you go about creating a safe haven in which both of you can feel secure, grow, and flourish?  You start with love as the container of your sacred sanctuary.  It is a place where you protect each other and stand together against the onslaughts and challenges of the world.  You take an active role in learning about each other’s needs and desires and quickly repair hurts that occur between you.  This is the undertaking necessary for a secure functioning relationship.  When two people have a secure functioning relationship, it provides a solid and strong supportive structure that is resilient and adaptable.  These are the relationships that allow each one to grow and these are the relationships with longevity and love that matures into a beautiful fruit of trust.
 
Trust allows you to enter into life and express your highest self.  When you can count on a companion to be there for you, have your back, and protect the safety of your union, there is a sense of relief and freedom to engage with life.  Trust is not a quality that is automatically bestowed between two people.  It must be cultivated.  There are actions and behaviors involved that build trust. 

Get to Know What Helps Your Partner Feel Safe and Secure

This is a process that happens with intention and attention over time.  Most people do not come out of childhood or adolescence with complete secure attachment.  This means that we all have wounds and sensitivities, which form feelings of vulnerability in intimate relationships.  These vulnerabilities will be unique to each person depending on his or her prior experiences of relationship. 
 
Finding out includes asking your partner what helps them feel safe or what they need to feel secure, but they may not know.  Be a detective.  There are behavioral clues when your partner is not feeling safe.  Some people withdraw; others get angry, moody, or melancholic.  Some people want to fight and others disengage or dissociate.  Notice your partner’s emotions and behaviors.  Instead of reacting to their behavior realize that something is amiss.  This is the time for you to give compassionate understanding.  Validate their feelings.  Let them know you are there for them and allow them space.  Patience is priceless.

Get to Know What Helps You Feel Safe and Secure

Being aware of your behaviors and emotions will tell you when you are not feeling safe or secure.  What triggers a sense that you are not safe and how do you respond?  Exploring this facet of yourself will tell you what you need.  You are then able to share with your partner what helps you feel safe and to work with these areas so that you develop inner security.

Emotional Honesty Empowers Transparency

When you pay attention to your partner’s emotional state and to your own, you are in touch with the tender vulnerable parts of yourself.  It can be difficult to honestly reveal your true feelings for fear that it will disrupt your relationship.  When you are angry, sad or afraid it may seem risky to open up and yet hiding your authentic feelings or keeping secrets distances you from your partner.  Letting go of your inhibitions and defensive stance and revealing your fears, desires and opinions honors you and your relationship.  As you open up there is greater freedom for your partner to be honest as well especially if you create a safe haven by being open and receptive to their thoughts, feelings and opinions.  Compassion expands from letting go of judgment and mutually sharing your inner world.  Differences are welcomed and become curiosities.

Your Partner Comes First

At the start of your relationship, you spent much of your time together or thinking about one another.  The delicious interest in your partner never seemed like enough.  Over time life and responsibilities take over. Work, children or other pursuits require attention and these can swallow up time that used to be given to your partner.  When things get busy your relationship gets put on the back burner.  Without proper attention the two of you drift off into other interests and people.  This trajectory can find you confiding your daily experiences or sharing important ideas with someone other than your partner.  It may seem innocuous but it will corrode the sense of mutual trust and safety you have built with your loved one.  
 
Your partner needs to be “your go-to person.”  They need to be the one who hears good or bad news first.  They need to be the one you confide in and who hears your inner thoughts and feelings.  They come first over any person, place, thing or what other people want.  Intimacy is created when you share the significant aspects of your life.  Make sure your partner’s thoughts, feelings and needs take priority.  Make space for emotional connection.  Be there for them when they are stressed or in distress.  When you “have your partner’s back” you resolve differences with them rather than going to someone else.  You don’t gossip, talk bad about them or “throw them under the bus.”  You protect your partner in public and stand by them.  When you disagree with their behavior or opinion, you discuss it when you are alone.  Have an agreement that your relationship takes precedence over either of your need to be right.  This builds safety and trust.

Protect Your “Couple Bubble” from Harm

The term “Couple Bubble” has become ubiquitous.  It is a conscious decision to mutually create a protected safe sanctuary where you can truly relax, find respite from the outside world, and enjoy the comfort of a kind, loving atmosphere.  In order to keep your bubble safe, you are willing to protect it not just from outside forces but from your own demons as well.  No slings and arrows allowed.  Maintaining this environment takes energy and attention. 
 
Each person contributes by:
  • Equally giving and receiving
  • Respecting dreams and desires 
  • Supporting mental, spiritual, and emotional growth
  • Listening to and communicating needs 
  • Mutually making important decisions
  • Actively engaging in resolution of conflicts
  • Allowing time for closeness as well as independence
  • Being thoughtful and showing daily kindness
  • Having high regard for the well-being and care of each other
 
The romantic image of “Happily Ever After” can only happen when two people greet Love and relationship with conscious appreciation and understanding of the path ahead.  I invite you to build a safe and sacred sanctuary filled with love, truth, beauty, trust, harmony and peace where you can authentically be yourself and mutually flourish.

Copyright © 2015 by Dorothy Wallis TheDorWay All Rights Reserved
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Dorothy Wallis
    Psychotherapist MA
    Clinical Hypnotherapist
    Relational Life Couples Therapist
    International Teacher Meditation Facilitator 

    Shamanic Practitioner
    Dreamer, Visionary, Writer

      Join Our Newsletter

    Sign Up
    TheDorWay Affordable Counseling
    Affordable Counseling & Therapy

    Recent Posts

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015

    Categories

    All
    Anxiety
    Assumptions
    Astrology
    Awareness
    Balance
    Belonging
    Caring
    Centering
    Change
    Communication
    Community
    Competition
    Connection
    Cooperation
    Creation
    Dreams
    Ego
    Emotional Freedom
    Emotions
    Equinox
    Fear
    Gratitude
    Heartfulness
    Images
    Inner Critic
    Inner Guidance
    Judgments
    Loss
    Love
    Loving Yourself
    Merkaba
    Mindfulness
    Miracles
    New Horizons Spacecraft
    Passion
    Peace
    Pluto
    Poetry
    Prose
    Relationship
    Resolution
    Rhythym
    Self Awareness
    Self Esteem
    Self Talk
    Sensory Awareness
    Somatic Awareness
    Stress
    Superego
    Transformation
    Unconditional Love
    Unity Consciousness

    RSS Feed

Copyright © 2015 by Dorothy Wallis   TheDorWay   All Rights Reserved