The tsunami drags out all of the loathsome bits into the mucky water of emotions to be felt. Now, there is no denying, no hiding, and no appeasing; there is only feeling it all. You are in the surge. It takes tremendous courage to wade through it. The waves keep lapping more into your awareness. Some bits are theirs and some are your shadow aspects. An interval of space is required to wade through the aftermath. This is an opening and an opportunity if you allow yourself to be present to all that arises.
Wading in the Waters
The physical pain often feels unending because the pain signal keeps repeating until there is sufficient healing. Your emotions come and go. Awareness of the sensations and feelings allows insight and movement of the disturbance. Dwelling in the thoughtforms recreates the emotions and gives them lasting power. It is challenging to bring your attention back to the sensations of the body. Simply be with the energy as it is without pushing it away. Notice the gaps. In the space of the pause there is light, the light of insight and peace.
Taking the Plunge
Be curious; ask questions. Is this a pattern you have experienced before with a person or situation? How did you respond? What thoughts keep arising? Do you believe they are true? What beliefs do you hold that contributed to or precipitated your response? What beliefs do you rigidly grasp? What happens if they are not true? If you were the recipient of your behaviors or responses, how would that feel? What aspects of yourself do you push away? What patterns could you change that would foster healthier interactions? What have you learned about yourself or your beliefs?
What are your fears? Don’t pass this one off; really search for what your fears might be. Fear underlies most of our disturbances and dynamics with others. What will you lose or fear you will lose? Is there guilt or shame involved? Disturbances in relationship bring up core wounds. The loss of stability can be frightening. When a relationship ends or changes the tendency is to think it was a failure or that something was wrong with it. Is there another alternative?
“When we make things wrong, we do it out of a desire to obtain some kind of ground or security. Equally, when we make things right, we are still trying to obtain some kind of ground or security.” ~ Pema Chodron
Be candidly honest with yourself without judgment.
I suspect that whatever you find inside needs some kindness and compassion. Be tender and kind hearted to the patterns and beliefs you have held. They were there for a purpose and that purpose may no longer be necessary. See them, relate to them, thank them. Being vulnerable is uncomfortable; it is not easy to feel the pain of our insecurities or to see parts of ourselves that we don’t like or the undesired parts in someone we care about. Let compassion enter whenever you find yourself making you or someone else wrong. What shifts inside as you approach all with compassion?
The Transformative Waters of Your Essence
The groundedness and integrity of ourselves is found not in permanence or certainty but in approaching life with an open-hearted spirit. Change is the way of life. It is surprising to find that when you connect to the change in your relationships with compassionate non-judgmental open-hearted awareness a passage opens and new life breathes in. Trust is found in renewal. It awakens relationship to life in ways you could not possibly have imagined. Allowing others to be who they are frees you. You just might find that a deeper kind of love is found.