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 It’s tough when you are triggered. It happens jet fast. All of a sudden a prickly energy runs up your spine and you feel the energy rush to your head. You are ready to fight and hotly defend yourself or your anger turns icy and you freeze out whomever or whatever is disturbing you. Either way you disconnect. It keeps you relatively safe, but it doesn’t feel good...
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 "Wonderment" by Tessa Clarkson There is Power in the Story You Tell Yourself
The creative life force flows through you and manifests itself continuously. Your body is recreating itself from the patterns in your DNA, from the thoughts and beliefs you hold, and the images and emotions that stream through your heart. These are the elements of your story. Your story is vast. It is the story of your ancestor’s experiences and beliefs about life. It is the story of how they survived, their relationship to the land and the people they loved and those they had conflict with. It is the story of their pain and triumphs. It is the story of their culture, the language, songs, dress, customs and mores, religions, social organization, governance and the ways in which they formed community. Your story emerges from theirs but at the same time it is your own. In every moment you are born anew from the story you tell yourself about who you are...  The need to “help” others or "fixing" the world and all that is wrong with it or whatever needs to be done “the right and proper way” has created a mindset amongst people with good intentions of overstepping the propriety of appropriate boundaries. It has become commonplace for people to give unsolicited advice even about the simplest of tasks. It is almost a thoughtless reaction by some to tell a stranger or loved one what they “ought to do, should do, or how to do something.” In the mind of those giving this advice it may seem to be helpful or even done presumably from a heartfelt place. Yet, unless done with permission, it is actually a violation of another person’s autonomy....
 Your first entrance into the world begins with relationship. You come into the world with a small body that needs nurturing and care. You cannot survive on your own. You are not ready to stand and take care of yourself; you are dependent and vulnerable. Naturally, there is an inborn fear of separation and a need to attach and bond. Dependency is a gift that makes it necessary for you to be connected and engage with people and life. Being seen with caring attention not only means that your basic physical needs will be met, it also fulfills a soulful need of value for simply being, it reflects back to you that you exist. “I exist, therefore I am.” You have an innate need to know that you belong, are valued, have meaning and are inherently good and worthy....
 Did a ray of sunlight enter your life and suddenly a radiant being appeared in your midst that invoked a magnetic pull? What attracted you to your partner in the first place? Did she have a smile that melted you? Did his enthusiasm and playful nature capture your desire for freedom and fun? Did you admire his or her humor, assertiveness, confidence, or intellect? Did she or he possess a savvy adventurous spirit? Did you share similar interests or concordant life paths? Perhaps it was charm and kindness that felt like a comforting hug. Did you feel safe? Maybe you experienced your partner intently absorbed and interested in you. It felt so special. To be truly seen fulfills a longing to be known. Knowing we are accepted just as we are gives us a sense of deep belonging.....
 Typically, when couples enter counseling, they have built up a pressure cooker of issues that have created an atmosphere of resentment and distrust resulting in blame, misunderstanding, and unhappiness. Energetically, their wounded heart is stuck in a cesspool of hurt, anger and despair. It is difficult to see a way out yet usually at least one of them has a hope that things can improve...
 Photo by Evan Kirby As a child of depression era parents, I was taught to be frugal. Growing up in a small farmhouse in the country, there wasn’t a need for many material possessions. Anything that one owned was valuable. Clothes were practical and seasonally appropriate. Taking care of them was necessary. If they became worn or torn, we mended them. I learned how to sew, knit and crochet from my mother and grandmother. To this day, I hand wash my sweaters and mend the moth holes. Repairing anything over throwing it out and buying new is a first response. If it can be fixed, do so....
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Dorothy Wallis
Psychotherapist MA
Clinical Hypnotherapist Relational Life Couples Therapist International Teacher Meditation Facilitator Shamanic Practitioner Dreamer, Visionary, Writer 
Affordable Counseling & Therapy
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